Completely lost too?

Go travelling

That's just what smart slightly autistic people with depression feel.

thats why so many people between 40-60 suicide.

Start day drinking, it can't get much worse than now.

You start to see the world as it is, just small bit. Shooting is always the answer. Today I shoot small apples, which I don't want, from tree by air rifle. Try it.

hookers and cocain. its always hookers and cocain

That's mental depression start, go check yourself to a medic

I turned 40, I have well paid job. But I feel like I've lost at everything else.

Have you tried helping others? Start small, helping friends and neighbours. Small, menial tasks. Take the trash out for some elderly that can't. Help someone move. Cut grass. Give it a go.

Every day, one man on earth dumps the biggest turd without knowing it. Maybe today it was yours. And that's something to be proud of.